How to get soup meat – a guide in 4 steps

Dear fellow cats, I heard you do have trouble with getting what you want – especially from tourists: Soup-meat!

Well, let me guide you to get what you want.

First of all the circumstances have to be right:

  • restaurant staff that doesn’t care if you are there or doesn’t see you
  • tourists entering the restaurant on a daily base
  • no other distraction in form of cuteness (really bad: kittens, if you want something, don’t bring your offspring here!!!) Puppies are quite bad as well, but they are easier to handle
  • do not chose a dirty place, the place needs to look like people care about it, but they don’t mind you being there – so you better clean up as well – no filthy cat
  • no scratching any part of your body at any time – tourists hate it, they thing you carry a diseas, if something itches, play cute and rub it of on the tourists affectionately
  • set lunch menues – so you know if it is worth a wait, vegetarian dishes on the menu only – RUN, no chance for the good stuff, you could as well go to a field and get it yourself

That said, let’s go to the tutorial:

1. Look cute and shy, keep a distance away from them (before the food is served), but close enough to listen in on their orders and decide whether there is something you like. Add a bit of sadness to your look, it might act in your advantage.

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2. Use a moment they are not focusing on you to get closer, but still act shy and cute. Check them out and keep in mind to find the weakest link. And this is most likely the person who isn’t fighting for your attention. It is the one who minds his or her own buisness.

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3. The most essential part: go on that persons lap, best way is to go under the table and just appear on it. Use the surprise moment! Just jumping on the lap won’t do it! NOOOOOO! Act! Be as cute as hell, make him feel like he is your personal hero, roll up in his lap put your head on his tummy and sleep on it while purring calmly.

Timing is essential: you have to be there after they had the first bit of their drinks, but before the food arrives. Your job is to make him feel needed, but not abused. Don’t disturb him, try to make him forget that you are there.

When food comes, don’t change position, continue to “sleep”. You can snuggle up a bit more, but watch out, you got to check on the food constantly, just before the meat is 2/3 eaten “wake up”. Slow movements. Open your eyes slightly and look on the table, surprised – don’t touch anything!!!

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4. If you’ve done it right – your chosen victim will feel motherly instincts and give you some food – mostly meat bits!!! I mean you just “slept” on him and kept him warm, made him feel like your personal hero, now you “woke up” and it seems to be in the humans genes to offer you some food once you’ve “woken up”.

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See this is how it goes, just try it, it’s no big effort, we are cats, cute is in our genes and the  rest is just a bit of practise. Remember, make them feel like a hero and you’ll get anything you want!

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